 |
||||||||
|
||||||||
 |
It is often said that if Cornish girls keep their legs crossed then Falmouth girls keep their fingers crossed. And so it was at Falmouth Rugby Club on Sunday afternoon when a bevy of delicious totty turned up just to catch a glimpse of St Austell’s own version of Brad Pitt……… Kieran Brown. When Browner glided onto the field, all rippling muscle, square jaw and gleaming white teeth, the assembled gathering of Falmouth’s finest floozies positively giggled with excitement. They were not to be disappointed as the talented young flanker turned the game into the Kieran Brown show.
From the very moment Shrek’s twin sister (who was refereeing on
the day) blew the whistle, Browner put on a virtuoso performance, the
like of which would have graced a world cup final. It was self evident
to all watching that Kieran had been right at the front of the queue when
speed, skill and of course good looks were being given out. It is only
a shame that he was at the back of the queue for cool hair – but
that didn’t seem to bother the throng of ecstatic nubilia who sighed
every time he touched the ball. With Olympic speed here, a deft touch
there and a series of tackles which left his opponents in the back row
of the stand, the young Browner could do no wrong. He set up early tries
for Titch Williams and Steve “Chabal” Howorth before treating
everyone present to a solo effort.
From a scrum in his own 22 the talented Paul Newnham split the Falmouth
defence and popped the ball inside to the supporting Browner. Our hero
had a full 90 metres to go and almost the entire Falmouth side to beat,
but it didn’t seem to matter. When he opened his legs and showed
his class the harem of female supporters positively swooned with delight.
Before Browner reached the try-line he had completed 7 side-steps and
5 dummies. By the time he launched into a final swallow dive, a full 3
metres into the air, three poor young girls had fainted and another suffered
a series of spontaneous multiple orgasms.
In between times Falmouth scored two tries and Newnham landed a penalty
and conversion for a final score of 12-20 to the visitors. The supporters
left asking the same two questions – where can we see Kieran again,
and who needs Steve Lane?
Man of the match – guess who…….